36 Responses

1. hoo boy1. Jay-Z2. 20,000
   hoo boy

   1. Jay-Z
   2. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and Moby-Dick
   3. Moby-Dick
   4. death
   5. Dan Brown!!
   6. The Dukes of Hazzard
   7. Shake Your Bon Bon
   8. Austria
   9. Sword
   10. Pop Tarts

   Bonus — Celebrity Novelist Showdown:

   Macaulay Culkin … because he has all of those clever tricks with the TV and marbles and such.

2. alrighty then1. Jay-Z2.
   alrighty then

   1. Jay-Z
   2. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and Moby-Dick
   3. Moby-Dick
   4. JT Leroy
   5. Hanks
   6. The Dukes of Hazzard
   7. Shakespeare
   8. Austria
   9. Sword
   10. Pop Tarts

   Celebrity Novelist Showdown:

   Macaulay Culkin. Seriously, duh.

3. No holds barred grudge
   No holds barred grudge match

   1. PennJay
   2. Apollo 18
   3. Dick
   4. Glenn Frey
   5. Bill Hicks
   6. tossup between Claire Booth Luce and Shirley Temple Bassey
   7. Cinnabon (yum!)
   8. Austerlitz (boo, Napoleon, boo!)
   9. Swordfish
   10. Lord of the faux-Greek Flies

4. Now that’s how to play the
   Now that’s how to play the game, playa.

5. memes r me1. Jamelah, I
   memes r me

   1. Jamelah, I *know* you picked this one to frustrate me. Well, I’ll pick Nietzsche, because I have to.

   2. The Squid and the Whale bought a LitKicks blog ad last year, and those other books did no such thing. Easy choice.

   3. Yes to the white whale, no to the white musician.

   4. I read Burroughs’ book and didn’t love it that much. I didn’t read Frey’s book and don’t plan to. I’ll take John Updike.

   5. Dan Brown.

   6. The Dukes of Hazzard, just to make Caryn happy.

   7. Um. Yeah.

   8. Actually, Auster mentioned in “The Invention of Solitude” that his last name is etymologically related to Austria. So I’ll just say “yes”.

   9. Blog.

   10. Donna Tartt.

6. Oh please, I think you’re
   Oh please, I think you’re lying — Nietzsche never checked the bounce, but because of #6, you are forgiven, barely.

   PS: Auster is no Austria, that’s for sure.

7. A lot of things under heaven
   A lot of things under heaven & earth

   Right, then.

   1. Jay-Z
   2. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
   3. As mammals, they both have teets
   4. Burroughs rises above the Frey
   5. Tom Joad and John Brown
   6. Shirley Hazzard
   7. Shakespeare, hands down
   8. ‘Austerweiss, Austerweiss, every morning you greeeet me . . .’
   9. Pen
   10. Pop Tarts
   11. And as the uncredited voice in Chelsea Walls – Ethan Hawk!

8. Yes, I did do that to
   Yes, I did do that to frustrate you. AND YOU PICKED NIETZSCHE?!?!? Are you sure Jay-Z isn’t going to shoot you out behind the Taco Bell for this?

   I’m just saying.

   Also, I don’t believe Paul Auster is a natural habitat for edelweiss.

9. Rather thumositous aren’t
   Rather thumositous aren’t you?

10. Ah, Macaulay Culkin . . . he
    Ah, Macaulay Culkin . . . he taught a generation of children how to inflict grievous bodily harm with red hot door knobs and run-away tool chests.

11. Yes, but you don’t have a
    Yes, but you don’t have a Squid and the Whale tattoo. Or a Dan Brown tattoo, for that matter.

12. Dukes of Hazzard or Kings of
    Dukes of Hazzard or Kings of Leon

13. power?1- Niet-che2- Moby
    power?

    1- Niet-che
    2- Moby Dick
    3- Moby Dick
    4- ?
    5- vacant
    6- I only remember orange cars crashing and jumping and a blond guy: it must be Dukes of Hazzard.
    7- Shakespeare and Bomb

14. Kings of Leon have a catchy
    Kings of Leon have a catchy song or two, but there’s no General Lee.

15. Performance anxiety1. That’s
    Performance anxiety

    1. That’s a choice?
    2. Refer to #1
    3. Moby. I saw his house on “Cribs.” Now that’s a shower.
    4. Burroughs
    5. Hanks, because I’ve seen Dan Brown eat a mini corn cob. Boy’s got no game.
    6. Roscoe Peeeeeeee Coltraine
    7.”And Master, sir, do not forget to specify, when time and place shall assert, that I am an ass.”
    8. Following in the ass theme, since my governor is from Austria, Auster wins by default.
    9. Both involve bloodletting. It’s a draw.
    10. Tarts. Strumpets. I like them all.

    Culkin. He creeps me out so much I almost like him.

16. The thing about Jamelahis,
    The thing about Jamelah

    is, she doesn’t post as often as Levi or Caryn, but she gets more replies.

17. Yes, Jamelah, I did struggle
    Yes, Jamelah, I did struggle with this one for several minutes. Then the logic became clear to me. If Jay-Z didn’t exist, the world would seem an empty place but we’d still have Biggie, Nas, 50, Cam’ron. If Fred didn’t exist … well, there is no other Fred.

    And, yes, Bill, you are right — but a paying advertiser is also right, always right.

18. Those are some of the best
    Those are some of the best answers yet. Funny and thoughtful!

    I fancied myself a bit of a strumpet, actually, when I slipped into a pair of daisy duke shorts this past Halloween.

    But no one wants to hear about that.

19. Lies!
    Lies!

20. Jamelah=tequila=happy place.
    Jamelah=tequila=happy place. It’s a no brainer.

21. yeah
    yeah

22. missed this one: Nathan
    missed this one: Nathan Detroit vs. TB Macaulay

    tough one — I’d have say neither, and declare my favorite celebrity author to be Immanuel Kant.

23. bill,i don’t do these pair
    bill,

    i don’t do these pair choice things because i always see the in-between-answers and can not force a choice.

    but about these pair choices. It’s mindless chatter plain and simple and the crowd is starving for it. Dinner bell rings and we all come running. Note to Levi. Mindless Chatter is the unwashed masses waiting to rally round the well.

24. Choices1. Nietzche…anyone
    Choices

    1. Nietzche…anyone who says Jay-Z is just holding on to some dying dream of becoming a writer for Rolling Stone. “‘Holla Back Girl’ is a delicious piece of brain eating bubble gum pop drivel”? Do you really want to write for RS?

    2. Moby Dick. Do you think Jay would have been freaked out by Moby’s whiteness too?

    3. I think Moby Dick himself would have been freaked out by Moby’s whiteness.

    4. James Dickey

    5. Tom Hanks because Dan Brown should never win anything ever except my undying wrath, or maybe in a better world the business end of some redneck’s pent up homoerotic frustration (maybe Mr. Dickey could rewrite Deliverance for that scene).

    6. Umm…I really can’t stop thinking about Dan Brown being buggered at gunpoint…help.

    7. Shakespeare because he is a delicious piece of bubble gum brain eating…
    is this a rock lobster that I see before me?
    it has claws instead of hands.

    8. I guess it’s a tie…they both crush Dan Brown who still, in the back of my mind, is tied firmly to a log.

    9. Pen.

    10. Pop Tarts, cause you don’t have to wait 10 years for a new flavor.

25. I may be wrongbut isn’t Moby
    I may be wrong

    but isn’t Moby related to wotsisname, the guy who wrote moby dick? yes, i think he is, but what is his name, jesus, how can i not know this? (glances ashamedly over at bookshelf) Herman Melville.

26. There goes Asher!Let’s get
    There goes Asher!
    Let’s get him!

    “La vie longue la r

27. i was never good at tests
    i was never good at tests but…

    1)i heard nietzche ran with a silent but big stick crowd
    2)two for the price of one can’t beat that price (even if i dont need it
    3)Pass
    4)which it was glenn frey or william burroughs
    5)hanks
    6)dont call me shirley
    7) he’s in the alley so i’ll stick with him
    8)where ever there’s surf you’ll find bodi
    9)that’s an eazy one
    10)i’m in the mood for a pop tart (wonder what that’s all about)
    bonus question
    i could go on a filibuster here but…. hawke by M.J.s nose

28. did someone say mindless
    did someone say mindless chatter and tequila sounds like the new riders are back in town

29. Bil, what the hell does
    Bil, what the hell does thumositous mean? I looked it up and it doesn’t register as a word?

30. Number NineYou know a friend
    Number Nine

    You know a friend once gave me a gift – being the fabulous author/writer that I am – of a pen that had a sword in it.

    Actually, it was more like an exacto knife, but I’m not picky.

    Anyway, it’s my favorite pen and to this day I do all my longhand with that pen/sword. It’s so cool.

31. One thing I think most of us
    One thing I think most of us agree on: Pop-Tarts rule!

32. So, when I get your book in
    So, when I get your book in the mail, will it contain cutting satire or sharp observations? I ordered A Voice Above the Din last week.

33. You are correct, Sir!Here is
    You are correct, Sir!

    Here is an excerpt from People Magazine (I know, it makes me seem bourgeois to quote from People Magazine; what can I say?).

    “Richard Melville Hall, 28, is the great-great-grandnephew of
    Moby Dick author Herman Melvile, whose own personal melodrama purportedly included living briefly among cannibals in the South Pacific. Nicknamed after the great white whale, Moby is a leviathan in techo-music – the pulsating electronic sound popular at clubs and raves.

    “‘I’ve tried reading Moby Dick about three times,’ he says, ‘but the long passages where he gets bogged down describing whales just loses me.'”

34. [ulp!] Busted! Oh, the
    [ulp!] Busted! Oh, the thumosity of it all!

35. hehehe . . . I made up that
    hehehe . . . I made up that word, but I got the idea from tomcat’s webpage which you can access thru his profile by clicking on his name.

36. No, not much cutting, ha!
    No, not much cutting, ha! Though I should pursue that voice ’cause that’s how I am in real life.

    Check your email, I just ordered Time Adjusters. Looking forward to reading it!