1. Let me just get the important news out of the way first — I heart Mr. Darcy and I have the coffee mug to prove it. Go ahead, covet.
2. G-Unit Books? Yes, indeedy. Considering the fact that my birthday isn’t until September, it may be too early to mention the fact that I’ve got my eye on The Ski Mask Way, but, you know, keep it in the back of your mind until fall. Also, in other Fiddy news, 50 Cent will be introducing a line of condoms. This is literary because you have to be creative with safe sex like you have to be creative with getting kids to read. I just can’t make this stuff up.
3. Literary theory vs. biology in a steel cage. Who do you think would win?
5. Remember your adolescent shame? Of course you do; you’re still trying to live it down. Well, instead of that, how about submitting examples of that really earnest and intense poetry you wrote in your math notebook for publication? The Cringe book will be published next year and is accepting submissions.